Archive for March, 2008

Aunty of twins

Al Hamdulilah, my brother and his wife have been blessed with twin boys!  May Allah have mercy on them.  I remember long ago as a young girl how much I admired the camaraderie of twinship.  There always seemed something magical about being a twin.  How I wished I could have been one and having missed that boat I wished to be the mother of twins,  I dreamed of dressing them in matching outfits and playing can you tell them apart games with friends and family.  Sounds cozy and wonderful right?

WRONG!  Now as the mother of two I wonder how anybody with twins makes it through the first year let alone the next 17!  I know Allah only gives you what you can handle and He must have known that twins was more than I could manage.  I get down on my knees and thank Him that I don’t have twins!  And I say may Allah give you strength and mercy if you have them.  Please tell me how you make it?  My sister-in-law is in shock.  She told my brother she doesn’t think she wants anymore and he was very upset.  They only have three children how could she consider stopping now?  But I know exactly what she is thinking.  She is thinking I am struggling with raising this two year old which is a 28hour a day job how will I handle two more?

I am smiling as I write this because I KNOW that Allah makes all things possible with His help, things you didn’t think you could do, you look back and see you not only did it, but you EXCELLED!  But I am curious as to what advice you would give a new mother with twins or just a new mother period.  For myself I can only say Pray…often

March 29, 2008 at 2:45 am 2 comments

a prayer for our children

Today I heard a story that was truly upsetting to me.  We hear these stories all the time but every now and then it sends a chill down my spine and makes me remember how grateful I am that Allah has protected my children from harm and how much I pray that He will continue to do so, not just for mine but for all of our children.

A single mother went to work leaving her 14 and 12 year old daughters alone at home.  They were new to the city and to the low income apartment complex.  Two men watching the apartment, noted her departure and when she left broke in through a window cracked open in the bathroom and raped both girls.  No one saw, or heard anything, no witnesses and no arrests…When the mother heard the story she was so upset she vommited on the spot and broke into hysterics that both her girls had been so violated and there is absolutely nothing she can do about it.  Now she on the streets again. Shifting her family between friends and relatives until she can find a new and safer place to live. 

Stories like this, I sometimes can’t bear to hear.  All I can offer is my prayers.  That Allah let this situation guide them to a deeper and stronger faith and trust in Allah.  and if it does, I pray that Allah rewards them richly for their patience and for what was taken from them.  I pray the same for all the victims of child rape around the world, boys and girls, muslims and non-muslims.  And I pray that Allah keep our children and our families safe in a world that is some times too sick to bear. 

March 26, 2008 at 3:20 am Leave a comment

Lesson for my children – Never give up

Today was not a great day.  Nothing is working out the way I had hoped for my business and it looks like an investment I made is going to lose money.  Money that I can’t afford to lose at this time.  I allowed myself to feel a little down for a moment and then I had to straighten myself back up and get over it.

As a Muslim I feel it shows a lack of faith to wallow in self-pity!  To feel it for a moment is human.  But to wallow is disbelief.  Because I have to believe that Allah is constantly blessing me and enriching my life in ways I see and in ways I don’t.  For that I am grateful.  I am thankful that Allah is my protector, my Wali, and that He is Ar-Rahman.  So the business I thought was so great was not but that doesn’t mean that Allah will not bless me with a great business.  Instead it means I have to step back, learn what Allah wanted to teach me with this lesson and apply it to the next opportunity that will surely come.  Because Allah’s words are ALWAYS true.  AFTER THE DIFFICULTY COMES THE EASE!  I only hope I can imprint this grateful resilience into the hearts of my children.  InshaAllah

March 25, 2008 at 1:56 am Leave a comment

Free babysitting

You get what you pay for…truer words have never been spoken.  I recently went to a fundraiser at a local masjid.  It advertised that free babysitting would be provided.  Great, I thought, because it was one of those functions where you see your husband at the door and then not again until after the dinner is over as he disappears into the nether world of “the brother’s side.”  I looked forward to enjoying my meal and the lecture.  With high hopes I led my two children to the babysitting room.  I reminded them to mind their manners, listen and obey. Be very good and mommy will have a special surprise for you. 

Then I opened the door and the surprise was  mine!  Literally, children jumping off the tables.  Little ones running from big ones, a car flew past my head.  I look to see who was supervising this room of about 35 children and saw three teenage girls sitting at a table chitchatting.  They looked up at me, then continued talking.  I walked purposefully toward them.  “Are you in charge?” I ask.  “Yes,” they give the one word reply.  I ask, “is there some activity here for the children tonight?”  I ask hoping, that maybe the activity portion of the evening has not yet began.  “Yeah, they’re watching movies.”  A young lady gestures vaguely to a tv in the room’s corner where a video is playing and three children sit watching, oblivious to the noise and pandemonium of the other children surrounding them.  I admit for a minute I was tempted, really tempted, to tell my children to go sit with those three kids and watch (not listen to) the movie until I returned.  But just then a ball flew by and ht one of the kids taking the audience down to two and I knew I couldn’t do it.  So I drag them back upstairs to the $50.00 a plate dinner that I will now have to share with two bored toddlers, who are angry because they wanted to play with the others.

I tell you have been tricked by this “free babysitting” campaign more than once.  Is it just me or does anybody else find this extremely frustrating?  Honestly I would rather just find my own sitter and pay then get there and be stuck.  I hope we begin to offer actual services, (I’d be willing to pay) for the children so that they are not just stuck in a room and where their sitters…just sit.

March 22, 2008 at 1:48 am Leave a comment

The MashaAllah Moments

As-Salaamu-Alaikum,  One of the reasons why I started this blog was to record our MashaAllah moments.  The moments with the kids that make it all worthwhile.  I feel so blessed to have been given this special opportunity by Allah (God).  And it slips by so fast.  You blink and it is gone. 

I can’t believe that my oldest is going to be 4 in two weeks and my baby is already 2!!!  Where did the time go?  Things I said I would never forget are already fading as they are replaced my new memories I say I’ll never forget.  The first time I held Saffiyah in the hospital.  Her first real smile, the first time she called me mommy.  The first time she met me at the window when I returned from work.  She told me recently, “I love you mommy, you the best mommy in the whole world!”  Said with such enthusiasm and sincerity that I hope I never forget.  Even when she inevitably does…

Ali, came to me one day, he came running to me in the kitchen and said Mama – I love you!  And then he ran away.  This was so sweet because he was just learning to talk and I would kiss him and say “I love you, Ali.”  then I would wait and say “You love mommy, say I love you mommy” but he never would.  This continued for about two weeks then suddenly one day there it was.  He ran as if he suddenly realized what it meant and he just had to tell me!  MashaAllah these are the moments that make motherhood possible

March 20, 2008 at 6:17 pm Leave a comment

N’Sync Naptimes?

As-Salaamu-Alaikum,

As a stay at home mom, I truly look for and treasure those moments when my children go down for their naps.  In the Qur’an there is a reference Allah makes to the mercy of night (time) and of sleep.  That has to be for the comfort of mothers!  Because when they go down, I can have a break.  Mentally, physically, spiritually a break.  The problem we’re running into now is that they have decided (cunningly) to take their naps in shifts.  Today she went down for a nice long 2.5 hour nap…WOW.  But he is still fighting it, and hour and a half after she woke up.  He is fussy and sleepy and ready for his nap, way-way-way too close to his bedtime and she’s wide awake.  I really wish they would coordinate this better and get in sync.  I have been advised to just put them both down at the same time until they are on the same sleep schedule. But the only way to achieve that is if I lay down too! Then I get a  nap (that is well needed,but I don’t get any work done…AARGH.  LOL 

I guess part of the reason I put up with this, is because I do enjoy my alone times them.   Sad but true.  I rarely get the chance to just enjoy them as individuals and give each one my undivided attention.  So this crazy nap schedule in a way it works for us.   They each get that undivided mommy time and they and I love it.  I guess its the price I pay for these treasured times. 

March 19, 2008 at 9:23 pm Leave a comment

Please get off!!!

My darling Ali.  He is my precious, my sweetheart, my baby, my love.  He is also two and is not weaned!  I seriously thought about making him go cold turkey when he turned two on Jan 24th.  But I decided against it because I thought it would be cruel.  After all he doesn’t know that he’s been at this way WAY too long.  I have been told; just try cutting out one feeding a day.  That didn’t work because he would give it up and then when I was working on another feeding at a different time he returned to the old feeding. 

I know people will say I need to be firm, after all he can’t force himself on me.  But we are talking about a child who chases me through the house yelling “SIT!”  Crying and screaming for his milk.  I mean MY milk.  I guess I just don’t have enough back bone to shut him off completely.  The problem is not so much the temper tantrums he has when he can’t get it; but what slays me every time is the hurt puppy look in his eyes when he is denied.  He looks as if I have just put him out in the cold and told him to never come back.

What to do, what to do?  I’ve tried all kinds of milkshakes, ice creams and snacks that he enjoys to divert him away….but at the end of the day he always comes back.  It does work if we spend our day out away from the house but at night…fughettaboutit!  I’m at my wits (and breasts) end.  Is there any compassionate and easy way to wean him or am I just going to have to live with the betrayal and wrath he will launch at me until it’s over? Ya Allah(Oh my God) …I hope not.

March 18, 2008 at 8:08 pm 2 comments

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