My Muslim Mom

I recently filled up my mommy-mobile.  (A 2000 Caravan)  Average price of a fill up for the mommy-mobile these days is $55.00.  Al Hamdulilah (Thanks be to God)  I’m a stay at home mom and a fill-up will last me a couple of weeks.  But my goodness, what about all of the other people who are just struggling to survive!  If you are like a lot of Americans and live paycheck to paycheck then the seemingly non-stop rise in gas prices and the corresponding rise in food prices are probably killing you!  As a former social worker I know that the minimum food stamp allotment per month is $10.00.  In frustration people who are given this small amount, usually ask, “what can I buy with $10.00?”  I used to answer, patiently, “with ten dollars you can at least get your milk, eggs, bread and cheese.”    Today you could not even purchase these four items.

I know this is a direct result of this foolish and unnecessary war.  I support the idea of “National Security“.  However, I realize that as jobs, decrease and unemployment and poverty increase our internal national security is at stake.  The rise in poverty, homelessness, and uncertainty are ills that increase crime and drug abuse.  (Already the rise in mortgage foreclosures has brought an increase in arson related house fires.)

I’m concerned that as a nation we are spending BILLIONS each year on this war and our international policies while decreasing monies spent on our schools, our children, OUR POOR.  I see no end in sight to this vicious cycle.

As moms we are going to have to pull together.  (Especially during this election year.)  We are going to have to make our voices heard, so that Washington, and the new president knows, that record profits for oil companies while many Americans can barely get to work is unacceptable.  We will have to insist that using our tax dollars to rebuild schools in Iraq cannot take precedent over rebuilding schools in the U.S.  Don’t misunderstand, I do feel that we have an obligation to rebuild these schools especially since our bombing destroyed much of their infrastructure in the first place.  But we could do both if we weren’t spending billions to send more troops overseas to police people who don’t want us to police them!

As moms we are also going to have to pool our collective resources to help each other.  The internet is an excellent tool to find and share info.  When you find a product or company that is working to help Americans during this difficult time let’s support that company and spread the word.  I have been using www.gasbuddy.com  to find low price gas in my area.  I find this service to be relatively accurate and if we continue to feed them good info then we can be a part of the solution.

Today was not a great day.  Nothing is working out the way I had hoped for my business and it looks like an investment I made is going to lose money.  Money that I can’t afford to lose at this time.  I allowed myself to feel a little down for a moment and then I had to straighten myself back up and get over it.

As a Muslim I feel it shows a lack of faith to wallow in self-pity!  To feel it for a moment is human.  But to wallow is disbelief.  Because I have to believe that Allah is constantly blessing me and enriching my life in ways I see and in ways I don’t.  For that I am grateful.  I am thankful that Allah is my protector, my Wali, and that He is Ar-Rahman.  So the business I thought was so great was not but that doesn’t mean that Allah will not bless me with a great business.  Instead it means I have to step back, learn what Allah wanted to teach me with this lesson and apply it to the next opportunity that will surely come.  Because Allah’s words are ALWAYS true.  AFTER THE DIFFICULTY COMES THE EASE!  I only hope I can imprint this grateful resilience into the hearts of my children.  InshaAllah

As-Salaamu-Alaikum,  One of the reasons why I started this blog was to record our MashaAllah moments.  The moments with the kids that make it all worthwhile.  I feel so blessed to have been given this special opportunity by Allah (God).  And it slips by so fast.  You blink and it is gone. 

I can’t believe that my oldest is going to be 4 in two weeks and my baby is already 2!!!  Where did the time go?  Things I said I would never forget are already fading as they are replaced my new memories I say I’ll never forget.  The first time I held Saffiyah in the hospital.  Her first real smile, the first time she called me mommy.  The first time she met me at the window when I returned from work.  She told me recently, “I love you mommy, you the best mommy in the whole world!”  Said with such enthusiasm and sincerity that I hope I never forget.  Even when she inevitably does…

Ali, came to me one day, he came running to me in the kitchen and said Mama - I love you!  And then he ran away.  This was so sweet because he was just learning to talk and I would kiss him and say “I love you, Ali.”  then I would wait and say “You love mommy, say I love you mommy” but he never would.  This continued for about two weeks then suddenly one day there it was.  He ran as if he suddenly realized what it meant and he just had to tell me!  MashaAllah these are the moments that make motherhood possible

As-Salaamu-Alaikum,

As a stay at home mom, I truly look for and treasure those moments when my children go down for their naps.  In the Qur’an there is a reference Allah makes to the mercy of night (time) and of sleep.  That has to be for the comfort of mothers!  Because when they go down, I can have a break.  Mentally, physically, spiritually a break.  The problem we’re running into now is that they have decided (cunningly) to take their naps in shifts.  Today she went down for a nice long 2.5 hour nap…WOW.  But he is still fighting it, and hour and a half after she woke up.  He is fussy and sleepy and ready for his nap, way-way-way too close to his bedtime and she’s wide awake.  I really wish they would coordinate this better and get in sync.  I have been advised to just put them both down at the same time until they are on the same sleep schedule. But the only way to achieve that is if I lay down too! Then I get a  nap (that is well needed,but I don’t get any work done…AARGH.  LOL 

I guess part of the reason I put up with this, is because I do enjoy my alone times them.   Sad but true.  I rarely get the chance to just enjoy them as individuals and give each one my undivided attention.  So this crazy nap schedule in a way it works for us.   They each get that undivided mommy time and they and I love it.  I guess its the price I pay for these treasured times. 

My darling Ali.  He is my precious, my sweetheart, my baby, my love.  He is also two and is not weaned!  I seriously thought about making him go cold turkey when he turned two on Jan 24th.  But I decided against it because I thought it would be cruel.  After all he doesn’t know that he’s been at this way WAY too long.  I have been told; just try cutting out one feeding a day.  That didn’t work because he would give it up and then when I was working on another feeding at a different time he returned to the old feeding. 

I know people will say I need to be firm, after all he can’t force himself on me.  But we are talking about a child who chases me through the house yelling “SIT!”  Crying and screaming for his milk.  I mean MY milk.  I guess I just don’t have enough back bone to shut him off completely.  The problem is not so much the temper tantrums he has when he can’t get it; but what slays me every time is the hurt puppy look in his eyes when he is denied.  He looks as if I have just put him out in the cold and told him to never come back.

What to do, what to do?  I’ve tried all kinds of milkshakes, ice creams and snacks that he enjoys to divert him away….but at the end of the day he always comes back.  It does work if we spend our day out away from the house but at night…fughettaboutit!  I’m at my wits (and breasts) end.  Is there any compassionate and easy way to wean him or am I just going to have to live with the betrayal and wrath he will launch at me until it’s over? Ya Allah(Oh my God) …I hope not.

Saffiyah (age 4) was entering full swing into one of her rare but vigorous tantrums.  Running as fast as she could to the end of my patience and I could feel my own temper rising up to meet hers.  Al Hamdulilah, (Thanks to God), I did the right thing and immediately sent her out of the room.  “Go sit on the couch”, I yell.  Yes, I yelled.  But really I’d had enough…ENOUGH.  So she runs crying from the kitchen, where she had just made her latest mess. 

Ali, who just turned 2, three weeks ago ran to meet her.  I hear him asking, “Wat appen’n” in his broken 2 year old english.  More crying and hysterical sobbing, as if I had actually put my hands on her.  “Wat mat-ur?”  He asks again.  She still doesn’t answer.  “It ah-rite” he tells her.  “Hurt?”  He asks, he can ask that very well since usually he is the cause.  “It ah-rite.”  He tells her again, and gives her a hug. 

And I smile to myself.  Because really it is alright now.  I’m just so thankful to be raising children who care.  That it reminds me, his mother how much small kindnesses and sympathy mean to us all.

As-Salaamu-Alaikum,

I can’t tell you the joy I feel at being a mommy.  I came to motherhood late in life so for me I felt doubly blessed.  (Al-Hamdulillah -Praise be to God) Just a couple of years before my daughter was born I was advised by several doctors to have a complete hysterectomy and was told in no uncertain terms that I was too old, and because of medical problems too unhealthy to ever carry a baby to term.  (I will explain more about this later - in a special series I will title “flashbacks-)  But I put my faith in Allah (God) and two years later my daughter was born, healthy, naturally and with no problems.  And all the praise goes to Allah, who I know makes ALL THINGS POSSIBLE. 

Possible but not always easy:)  It has been a humbling,thrilling, funny, frustrating, touching, crazy, wondrous, fulfilling, exasperating, learning experience that I can’t believe I am still just in the beginning stages of completing.  Wait, did I say complete?!  No way, it will never be complete…I’ll always be mommy.  Just as my mom is, this experience has made me value and appreciate her and all mothers so much.  So I’m starting this blog to share this wonderful journey and also to meet others on the same path.  Share with you, learn from you, and hopefully we can help each other to raise children who will please Allah, contribute to this Ummah (Muslim community) and to all of society as well.  May Allah bless with the tawfiq (ability to do a job well) to be good Muslim Mommies!

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