My Muslim Mom

As-Salaamu-Alaikum, (peace be with you)

I haven’t had a chance to write lately because I am travelling.  I am staying with my family out of town.  We are here for an extended visit and it has taken some adjusting for all parties.  I have two toddlers, ages 2 and 4.  And i just want to give some quick tips to help make overnight visits with a toddler more comfortable for all.

1.  Please put glass and fragile items out of reach.  (Yes, I know I should control my children and watch their every move but it just is not physically possible at all times.)  They should not touch your fragile items but I have noticed that my son seems to be on a seek and find mission to find every possible breakable item and THROW IT.  (FYI plants, flowers and trees fall into this category)

2.  Understand that part of how toddlers explore new environments; is that they roam, pick up, touch, taste, etc, everything they can.  My children are not bad, but they are busy.  As a mother I am frantically running behind them to save  your  precious collectibles.   I am greatly concerned that my little darlings might actually damage something of yours.

3.  Please bear with us with patience.  As you criticize, sigh, roll your eyes, and threaten them, keep in mind that I their mother am trying my best to teach them not to act on their natural toddler instincts.

4.  Please put all of your toxic, household cleaners out of reach.  Yes, I know that they should not be under your kitchen/bathroom sink but it is so irresistible to a two year old.  And although my kids have not yet opened up a bottle of cleaner and swallowed, (AL Hamdulilah -Praise God) I am fully aware that it is something they COULD do.  I would rather avoid the possibility if I could.

5.  Keep your doors locked.  I know you always do right?  However even for moment, if you forget, a toddler is like a prisoner with an open jail.  THEY WILL ESCAPE!  My son loves to open the door and wander outside.

6.  If you feel you should not have to make any changes to your household to accommodate your toddler guests, you don’t.  Just be aware of the choice you are making and the chances you WILLINGLY incurred.  Because a parent can’t watch everything.

7.  Be patient always, forgive and overlook much, and remember that they are children and that the day will come when you will look back on these times with fond remembrances.

As-Salaamu-Alaikum (peace be with you)

I am writing today about a well known household cleaner.  Well maybe not so well known.  I first heard about this after watching a news show several years ago.  During the show the reporter compared household cleaners of today, to cleaners of a century ago.  Many years ago, people cleaned their homes with “baking soda” and “vinegar”.  During a comparison of several popular brands and these two old fashioned cleaners, the old fashioned cleaners either equalled or excelled.  I tried it myself and I was astonished.  I had an oven top that I could not get clean.  I poured some vinegar on and topped it off with baking soda.  (You will get an immediate “fizzy” reaction.)  I let it sit for a few minutes and then started scrubbing.  (Yes, I still had to scrub a little bit.) But the results, WOW, amazing.  The oven looked brand new.  Then I, (I have to admit) went a little crazy.  I cleaned everything in the home.  Crayon  and marker stains on the wall, greasy residue on the cabinet above the stove, scuff marks on the floor, rust stains on the tub.  It worked on everything!  Now it is the only product I use to clean my tub. 

The best part is that after cleaning the bathtub with these two cleaners, I never have to worry about any chemical residue going into the kids bath!  I do rinse the tub, but both of these products can be added to bath water.  Both products are relatively inexpensive and easy to find and of course environmentally friendly.  I love them, they work well and I feel good about using something healthy to clean my house.  The baking soda alone works well with a brillo pad to clean burned food remains out of a pot.  And add a little vinegar for added boost.  I don’t have a specific recipe but it is inexpensive enough that you can play around with the combination until you find what works best for you.

Let me know what you think and feel free to post any other remedies you would like to share.

Does my Jumuah count if I spend the entire time worrying about my busy toddlers?  I hope so!  I just returned from Jumuah prayer. (Friday Muslim worship prayer service)  My two year old loves the wide open space of the prayer hall and enjoys the opportunity to run wild.  My four year old daughter loves to help by loudly yelling at him to “stop” and “sit down”.   ” Be quiet”, she shouts helpfully.  Every time we go, it is an adventure.  The journey begins with the morning preparations.  When we argue over whether they will eat breakfast.  Can my daughter can wear her pink princess outfit,  where has my son hidden his socks today?  (He loves to go in his sock drawer and pull all the socks out and hide them.)  Generally by the time we are loaded into the mommy mobile I am already tired and frustrated.  Not exactly the peaceful state you want to have when starting your Jumuah prayer.

When packing a bag for prayer I generally try to take at least two quiet toys they can play with, anything that will basically sitting still for the length of the khutbah.  Sometimes this works great.  Sometimes not.  I am trying to teach them to respect the masjid.  I don’t know how to teach them this without taking them and getting them used to the protocal of the masjid.  If I don’t take them, then whenever they go they will be very excited about being in a new place.  If I take them all the time then they feel free to be playful and noisy because they are very comfortable there.  It is a quandry.

Meanwhile, I really need the solace and benefits of praying in congregation.  I’m trying to give Allah my best.  I feel like Allah deserves my concentration and my focus.  It’s about the respect, gratitude and love I feel for Allah.  I reallly would like to show that with my effort.  Jumuah is an effort but I wonder if it is accepted because, honestly, my concentration and focus is not there.  I’ve already heard that Allah looks at your intentions.  It’s been told to me that Allah will reward me for the effort and He understands the difficulties of motherhood.  And in my mind, I understand that, but in my heart I wonder…

As-Salaamu-Alaikum (peace be with you)

al-Hamdulilah! (Thanks and praise to God) I found this discount code while looking for discounts for Ringling Bros Barnum and Bailey circus and it worked at ticket master. There were three codes listed for the circus they were “zxa”, “fun” and “circus”. I used the “zxa” code and reduced the price of floor seat matinee tix from $20 to 16.00!!! We are going on a Thursday at 10:30 am (YIKES) but GREAT PRICE.

For those keeping up with my summer clothes woes, (see previous entries), I found www.eshakti.com, I was really impressed with their selection of tunics. But what impressed me most is that every item is customizable so you can make the short sleeves long, the low cut shirt into a scoop neck and the hip length top longer to thigh length. The only drawback is you can’t change the color or material pattern but with so many colors to choose from you will surely find at least one item worth customizing. Average price was $34.00

My four year old only wants to eat noodles.  My two year old only wants “mommy milk” (see previous post).  During this weaning process with my son I can convince him to eat one small meal a day.  A good day will yield two small meals and that is it!  By small meals I mean half a bowl of noodles and some yogurt.

I am so jealous of mom’s whose kids eat heartily.  I asked one mother how she accomplished plate cleaning and she proudly announced that she sits at the table with a belt and they get spanked for not eating.  This eerily reminded me of the “soup Nazi” character from Seinfield and I was afraid.  I don’t want to force the food down their throats but short of that I don’t know what to do.

I understand the new Jessica Seinfield and others craze about hiding and disguising nutritious foods in with their favorite treats.  But this will not work for my four year old who has the most sophisticated palate of any person I have ever met.  She can detect the slightest alteration in her noodles and rejects any version other than the original.

Al Hamdulilah (Praise be to God) right now they seem to be healthy and developing naturally.  The doctor has advised that I don’t worry about it.  This is a stage that they will grow out of but still I worry.  It just doesn’t seem right that she should go to bed at night and all she has eaten for the day is two or three bowls of noodles.  I wonder what the experiences of other parents are?  Did your child eat and how did you encourage it, (in a productive healthy way) when she didn’t?

I recently filled up my mommy-mobile.  (A 2000 Caravan)  Average price of a fill up for the mommy-mobile these days is $55.00.  Al Hamdulilah (Thanks be to God)  I’m a stay at home mom and a fill-up will last me a couple of weeks.  But my goodness, what about all of the other people who are just struggling to survive!  If you are like a lot of Americans and live paycheck to paycheck then the seemingly non-stop rise in gas prices and the corresponding rise in food prices are probably killing you!  As a former social worker I know that the minimum food stamp allotment per month is $10.00.  In frustration people who are given this small amount, usually ask, “what can I buy with $10.00?”  I used to answer, patiently, “with ten dollars you can at least get your milk, eggs, bread and cheese.”    Today you could not even purchase these four items.

I know this is a direct result of this foolish and unnecessary war.  I support the idea of “National Security“.  However, I realize that as jobs, decrease and unemployment and poverty increase our internal national security is at stake.  The rise in poverty, homelessness, and uncertainty are ills that increase crime and drug abuse.  (Already the rise in mortgage foreclosures has brought an increase in arson related house fires.)

I’m concerned that as a nation we are spending BILLIONS each year on this war and our international policies while decreasing monies spent on our schools, our children, OUR POOR.  I see no end in sight to this vicious cycle.

As moms we are going to have to pull together.  (Especially during this election year.)  We are going to have to make our voices heard, so that Washington, and the new president knows, that record profits for oil companies while many Americans can barely get to work is unacceptable.  We will have to insist that using our tax dollars to rebuild schools in Iraq cannot take precedent over rebuilding schools in the U.S.  Don’t misunderstand, I do feel that we have an obligation to rebuild these schools especially since our bombing destroyed much of their infrastructure in the first place.  But we could do both if we weren’t spending billions to send more troops overseas to police people who don’t want us to police them!

As moms we are also going to have to pool our collective resources to help each other.  The internet is an excellent tool to find and share info.  When you find a product or company that is working to help Americans during this difficult time let’s support that company and spread the word.  I have been using www.gasbuddy.com  to find low price gas in my area.  I find this service to be relatively accurate and if we continue to feed them good info then we can be a part of the solution.

As-Salaamu-Alaikum, (Peace be with you)

I find that I am also experiencing the same difficulty (see previous post) finding modest clothes for my daughter. Although she is only four and doesn’t have the same modesty requirements as I do… I find the “daisy duke” shorts they were selling for her age group to be completely inappropriate! Everyday we hear more stories of little girls being molested and raped. Yet we allow, encourage and accept as cute, the sexualization of girls through their clothes. In my daughters size I found, “daisy dukes”, halters, bare midriff shirts and low-rise pants. Low risers on a four year old!!! What does a four year old need with low-risers?!! Mini skirt after mini skirt with no shorts sewn in. We all know that at four, they would need help keeping their legs clothes and not exposing their underwear so who would purchase or even make such items for such young girls?

SubhanAllah! Why do we allow such things. I would say we should not financially support stores that sell such items but then there would be no where left to shop because they basically all do. But at least when you see a modest item at a reasonable price, please purchase it. It will send the message to the store owners that this is what mothers are looking for. And spread the word when you hear of a store or a designer that offers modest clothes, so that we can all support them. We also need to request that our Muslim stores carry more items for children. Because although they are not required to dress modestly we should at least begin encouraging it as young as possible.

I need playclothes!  Playclothes are those items you changed into when you returned home from school as a child.  Your mom told you, “take off your school clothes and put on some play clothes.”  Clothes just for playing.  I need play clothes.

I find that that it is nearly impossible to dress by Islamic Muslim modesty standards and be really comfortable.  Most western summer clothes are not modest.  I spend hours at stores, and on-line looking for loose, summer-weight long sleeve tee shirts.  I found long sleeve t-shirts that were either too heavy or too thin and tight.  This is very frustrating.  So frustrating that I am now thinking of making my own.  To take a pair of regular t-shirts and sew them together so that the sleeves and hem line are both longer.  I know I must be getting desperate because I don’t even know how to sew!  Last year I bought nurses scrubs.  They were loose, comfortable and cool.  They clean up very easily and require no ironing!  I loved them, but they were all short sleeved.  Appropriate for my backyard play with the kids but this year I don’t have a private backyard. 

To be fair, I found tunics and kurtas of summerweight.  However I don’t particularly like playing in those items.  (And never would I do so in an abaya or jelbab.)  So nothing offered on any of the on-line Muslim clothing stores was really what I was looking for…. I did find one store that sold very cute Muslimah t-shirts that were long, light, pretty and loose.  But the store was in Malaysia and the shipping estimate alone was $40.00.  Too much for a shirt I plan to wear to the park and get dirty in!

I wonder what do other Muslim mom’s do for summer “playclothes”?  If you have any suggestions or know of any great websites please let me know.  Meanwhile I’ll probably still be out shopping and praying to find something suitable.

I am troubled by the stories I see in the news regarding the Texas members of the FLDS.  (On April 7th 2008, authorities raided the YFZ compound of FLDS members and eventually removed 417 children.)  I am deeply divided on this issue.  As a former social worker, I believe and accept that the rights of children to be protected supersede the parent’s rights.  If children are systematically raped and mentally abused as part of this group’s regular practice then the children must be protected, and should definitely have been removed.

What disturbs me as a  Muslim mom, is that it seems the biggest problem is that most people are disturbed by this groups apparent “strangeness“.  In several interviews with authorities and volunteers who are working with the children, remarks have been made about their strangeness.  Remarks like, “they’re just not like us.”  “You can tell by the way they dress that they are different from regular Americans.” “These children are growing up in a culture that is so different from the way the rest of America lives.”  Talk and late night shows are having a field day with the jokes about their dress and hair.  The media constantly reinforces and points out how they look different.  I have a problem with this, because I also look and dress different from the rest of America!  My hijab and modest clothes distinguish me at first glance.  Does that mean I care for my children less?

I worry that this is religious persecution.  The state is arguing that they have already found instances of at least 4 sixteen year old girls, who have either had or are having babies.  But if this is proof for sexual abuse then that same abuse exists in schools and cities across the country where girls sixteen and much younger are having children daily by men/boys who are not their husbands and there is no outcry.  Who is speaking out and protecting the rights of those girls.  We have to admit that we live in a culture that promotes just as strongly sexual abuse of girls as the people who lived in that compound.  If we close down places that promote sexual abuse (and they define sexual abuse as encouraging underage sex) then we would shut down MTV, ban hip hop and pop music, and treat any male who impregnates a minor as a perpetrator of sexual violence.  As a Muslim mother I would rather for my sixteen year old daughter to willingly choose marriage over sexual promiscuity.

This is not to defend what is alleged to have happened in that compound.  (Although it is hard for me to believe that all 417 children were in imminent danger.)   I do want Muslim mothers to be wary of these actions.  Because our lifestyles, dress and culture is also different from mainstream America, and I don’t want to one day have to explain to the court that just because I may seem strange and oppressed, that I am any less of a good mother. 

My four year daughter old does not wear hijab.  (On the upside my two year old son is always trying to put on mine  LOL).  I wonder am I doing the right thing?  What is the proper way to prepare a girl to wear hijab in this country.  I do understand the difficulty of wearing hijab.  Yesterday while walking to the park with my children, a passerby yelled at me to “go back to my country.”  This is my country I would love to have yelled back…(along with some other things).  I have been told to my face, that I would be hired for the job if only I would I be willing to consider removing it.  I equate hijab as a minor jihad, because it is almost that difficult and you could be attacked from anywhere for wearing it.

So how do I prepare my daughter to wear hijab?  I try to find pretty ones that she will enjoy wearing.  Unfortunately there is no “Dora the Explorer” hijab, as she has requested. (She has also requested a “Dora the Explorer” prayer rug.) I find that they do not make hijabs in pretty pinks, and yellows and pastels that would appeal to very young girls.  I purchased a beautiful pink fabric that she picked out herself along with some beads and sequins and together we decorated it and made a beautiful hijab for her to wear…but where?  To the zoo, to the park, to the museum, these are her “hang-outs.  Ironically when we wear it to the masjid, it magically comes off in the first twenty minutes.  I never force her to put it back on her head.  I let her wear it until she is naturally tired of it.  I want her to get used to wearing her hijab because she wants to before she wears it because she has to.  I figure we have plenty of time.

My husband feels the opposite.  He feels that if we start her wearing it now, it will be a habit she keeps all of her life.  This is the same opinion shared by another Sister at the masjid, who has her infant daughter in hijab.  Every time I see this baby her head is covered, and her khimar  pinned around her neck.   I feel that yes children this young will develop the habit.   But the habit doesn’t remove the discomfit you feel when obscenities are yelled at you.  Or the feeling of isolation when a cup of coke is thrown at you from a moving car while you wait at the bus stop, something that happened to a pregnant friend of mine.

I want her to wear hijab because she has come to the conclusion on her own that this is required by Allah.  And so she wears it out of love for Allah and a desire to please Him.  So I feel my first step is to teach her to love Allah and to want to please Him.  But am I going about this the wrong way…Hmmm I still wonder.